Silence

PJ Harvey – When Under Ether

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Silence comes slowly. It walks, slides through the walls, brings darkness with itself and lays it within me. It closes my eyes for a couple of seconds, it cuts my air for a couple of minutes. I listen to the calm I feel, I feel the silent noise as the weight of the decisions made. Images jump pompously in my mind, spread through my lungs, control my senses. I blink some times, lean back. I blink slowly, see the abstinence of light as the reflex of the lack of meaning I have. I lean back and I think. I let my mind travel far, I let it hurt me with the weight of knowing what I have done. I search for total oblivion, but the images, the tears, the emptiness… everything is too enlightening and present for me to bury it somewhere in the past. The feeling of regret hugs me completely, spreading its tentacles around my heart, without killing it, but allowing it only to beat very slowly. Slowly enough for me not to die, slowly enough for me to feel with no LIFE inside. Silence comes slowly. With description as its terribly strong characteristic, it comes so slowly that I only realize it is there when there is nothing else to see. The images I want to see remain hidden behind memories… I function like a robot, acting just responding to stimulus, with my mind on constant conflict with the reality of this sort of present.